Human Anatomy
by izzy95
Summary: Cophine AU. Cosima is a regular geeky art student trying to make her way through an art college. When she accidentally bumps into her class's new model, her world slowly begins to change forever, undetermined whether for the better or for the absolute worse. Starts out kinda angsty, fair warning. Cosima's POV. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: New story! AU story, probably a bit of a slow burn. Cosima's POV. I was sitting in a croquis class on evening, drawing a naked lady, when this idea came to me. I draw a lot myself and want to get into a school where I can get a degree in character animation, so I guess you can say that a lot of this story is based on my own experiences and everyday life at the school I want to get in to and the art environment that I have been living in these last 4 years. I try to explain how I think Cosima and later on Delphine could fit in to it all. Very PG for now, probably going to change in later chapters. Cover is my own artwork. Ideas, suggestions and critic is always welcome!**

* * *

"We just don't get what happened. You used to show up every single day, pencil in hand and ready to work. I'm tired of giving you warnings. This can't go on. I'm afraid this will be your last warning." Mrs. S finishes with a concerned look.

"Yeah, sure, I get it." My answer is curt and I don't really wait before getting up, not wanting this conversation to continue.

"Cosima, you know if there's any problem at all, you can talk to me. All we want to do is help." Mrs. S tries to call after me, but I'm not really interested in any pity party right now. I do stop at the door though, in a vague attempt to see clear minded. A small part of me wants to turn around, wants to look her honestly in the eyes and tell her everything, but I can't, unable to even acknowledge to myself what happened.

"Thanks." I end up saying, a small sad smile crawling its way onto my lips. And then the door is closed and I'm on my way out.

Walking home, I can't help but to wonder what the hell will happen to my future now. Maybe I'll apply to a university to try and get that Ph.D. in biology that I always used to dream about. I heard some good stuff about the University of Minnesota. I could try to get a job, earn some savings, work things out. But I can't help this irritating pang pulling at my heart. I love biology, but the thought of giving up all this I have right before my feet is shattering. All my friends, my home, the school, the environment of a free and flowing art school filled with crazy, crooked and passionate people. The thought of giving up art seems absolutely impossible. It would be like having to amputate a limp. And what for?

I never really considered art much as a kid. Sure, I loved drawing from time to time as any other child does, but I was always more adventures, climbing trees and getting my knees scraped. In all honesty, I think most of my drive came from a fascination of the world around us. That's one of the reasons I always did so well in school, that type of curiosity and strive to learn new knowledge. I loved math and biology because it was subjects that simply made sense. You had rules and if you followed them correctly, you could only get a correct answer. That was the easy part. The fun part was trying to understand why certain rules were certain ways and why you couldn't bend them or change them. I always loved the challenge, the history behind it all, the explanation.

In many ways, I think the same thing happened in art. You have rules; if you follow them, you get an aesthetical beautiful piece. The fun part is understanding how and why thing are the way they are and how best to capture that. And when you have that skill, try to break the rules and bend them. Art, math and biology are in reality extremely closely related. That's also why when our middle school art teacher, Mr. Duncan, took an interest in helping me out through a rough patch, that it was so easy to be caught up in drawing and art.

We kept in contact all through high school, meeting in the afternoon, discussing different masters and their techniques. I would spend hours in our local library reading thick books about the art history, the works and the masters. Always ready for a good discussion. I was extremely fascinated by the renaissance and the baroque, the surrealists, pop art. The mixing of traditional with the surreal, the telling of tales. It was like an alternative universe I could escape into where no rules applied. It was freedom.

It was Mr. Duncan who first suggested attending an art college.

"It would be the perfect opportunity to get to work on your art, improve your skill. You have a talent, Cosima, now is the chance to do something about it." He told me one afternoon in the library as I was showing him some of my sketches. He was looking at me with a serious demeanor. It wasn't the first time he had said something like this, I just usually didn't take the bait.

"I'm not sure Ethan. I got like killer grades, man. I feel like I should do something about it." Too many thoughts were running through my head for me to figure everything out. Taking important decisions sucks when you're just a teen trying to deal with your own shit. "Everybody is telling me that I have the chance to become something bigger. To get somewhere with my life. Get a high education, a well-paying job. My mom is already planning out which house I should live in, how many kids me and my husband should get."

Mr. Duncan raised his eyebrow. He knew about me and my girlfriend Emi and about the other dozen of women I've been crushing over through high school.

"I know, I know." I replied, sensing his change and thoughts. "I think she's still in denial about that whole thing. I mean, I would think it's kind of obvious by now that some guy isn't exactly a part of my plans."

"Have you tried to talk to her about it?" Duncan asked. Fair question. I hesitated.

"It's just like… Look, I know my mom; I know she's going to freak! She's always so worried about everything, always want everything to be good, trouble free." My hands were moving around in exaggeration as I was speaking, my pace picking up. "She's not like my dad. He's always just wanted me to do whatever as long as I was smart about it and had a plan. But it's like my mom lives in her own head sometimes. Like this little bubble where girls and boys mean different things and where prince charming takes the girl away to get married in some castle and live happily ever after behind some white picket fence where they get two and a half kids… That's just not me..."

Duncan was quiet for a second, contemplating everything, before he looked at me and smiled calmly. Suddenly I wasn't sure if I should smile back or what, half worked up after my small speech, before he opened his mouth.

"I think you give her too little credit. Maybe if you sat down with her and had an honest talk, she might actually get the chance to surprise you." I just snickered in reply.

"Like that would ever happen." I said, venom in my voice.

"Tell you what, let's make a bet." He had a sly smile and was leaning closer in, fingers intertwining in front of his chest.

"I'm listening." I leant in closer as well, intrigued about where this whole thing was going. It was very clear he had some sort of plan, probably one I'm not sure whether I would like or not.

"If I understand things correctly then you might actually consider applying to an art college if it weren't because you don't want to crush your mother's dreams." He paused for a second, making sure I was nodding along. "I want you to sit down with your mother and tell her about Emi. Tell her about your own dreams and aspirations for your life. Come out to her. If you're right about your mother, you can choose to go the scientific and conventional way like she would expect of you." My eyebrows slowly began to knit together in concern. "But if I'm right and she actually does surprise you, I want you to look closer at the possibility of entering an art college." With a smirk still firmly attached to his lips, he leant back in his chair, awaiting my reply.

I knew I had to come out to my mother. Emi and I had been together for almost 6 months; it was really getting pathetic by now that I hadn't just told my parents. And while a part of me was completely terrified that this could go horribly wrong, a smaller but much stronger part of me really wanted her to surprise me, really wanted to be able to actually go an art college and follow my own dreams. Just the thought of it made my heart beat a little faster. And even though I was completely petrified, I think that feeling was the one that made me take the decision that I did.

"Okay, old man. It's a deal." While a confident smile spread on my lips, I could hear my head saying shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, over and over again, quickly regretting my decision but too involved and proud to give up now.

I guess it goes without saying that Mr. Duncan was right. Somehow he had managed to look at my mother and see how her love for me overshadowed her need for me to be a specific way. It turned out that it was barely a conversation, never a problem that I'm gay. And that's how I ended up enrolling in an art college, ending up in the mess I currently find myself in.

* * *

 **So no Delphine yet, just getting a tiny bit of background first. I'm probably going to play a bit around with jumping in time, but I promise that she is on her way!**


	2. Chapter 2

When I get to my apartment building, I quickly unlock the front door and begin to walk up the stairs. Fumbling slightly with my keys, I try to collect myself before entering. The first thing I'm greeted by when I open the door is my roommate Scott sitting in the living room with his computer in his lap.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" I greet him, dropping my bag on the floor with a thump.

"How did it go?" he says, completely ignoring my comment. "We've all been worried."

Of course they have. Telling Alison about my meeting was a stupid idea. I knew it as soon as I opened my mouth yesterday. Alison is also one of my roommates along with Krystal and Scott. To be honest we're a lot of a mixed bag. None of us really knew each other beforehand and none of us goes to the same school. Scott studies biology. He's one of the reasons I'm thinking about changing to that. He's a giant nerd, but a sweet-heart. So innocent. Never complains about being the only guy in an apartment filled with girls. But I guess it helps a lot to have me. We've become close friends since we moved in together, mainly bounding over Dungeons & Dragons and other nerdy stuff. But it's nice to know that he always has my back and vise versa.

Alison is the one who found the apartment and posted the ad. While she's in college now, it seems like it's only a matter of time before she settles down back in the suburbs to become some sort of soccer mom. She would be absolutely perfect for the role. She even has her eye on this guy, Donnie or something. She can be a bit much from time to time, but she's okay. She's probably the only reason our apartment is always as clean as it is. I know for a fact that my own room is constantly one big mess. She really is the glue around here, keeping us all together. Got to respect that at least.

Krystal is in a class of her own. She's currently studying to become a manicurist, to absolutely no surprise to anyone who has ever seen her with her big bottle-blonde hair and her patterned protruding push-up bra and always perfect make-up. Sometimes I wonder where the hell she's from; if she has any idea what think when they see her. It would be such a shame to call her the sharpest tool in the shed. However, she does arrive at some extremely fascinating conclusions from time to time and she's always ready for a good gossip or to hit the town. You can say much about Krystal, but by God does she know how to have a good time! Live and let live! All this is what creates our never boring apartment. I've tried to nickname it 'the trip' but it's very clearly not a hit with Alison, who merely rolls her eyes in disdain. Everybody in my school more or less knows my apartment by the name now, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one of us who calls it the trip. The fact that I'm the only one in the apartment who enjoys a fine joint every once in a while might also have something to do with it.

I pull off my shoes, trying to gain a bit time, before picking my bag back up and looking Scott in the eyes.

"It was okay. You know, the usual shit." I try to smile but end up avoiding his gaze.

"Please don't lie. I actually care about you, Cosima. You make me worried." Scott is nothing but honest and it breaks my heart a tiny bit. I look down, shuffling with my feet.

"It's the last warning before I'm kicked out." I reply, still not ready to look him in the eyes. He's silent for a small time, contemplating what to do with this new information. I don't blame him.

"Have you heard from her?" He says after a while, making my eyes shoot up in surprise.

"Who?" I ask, knowing exactly whom he's talking about.

"You know who." He replies, calling my bluff.

"No, I haven't." I say shortly, my voice laced with anger. I quickly walk over to my room, done with this conversation.

"Cosima, wait-" I hear Scott call after me, but I'm already smacking my door behind me.

I let my hand run over my hair, forcing my pressing tears back down. She's the last person in the world I want to think about. Trying to calm my slightly shaking hands, I reach for a joint, quickly lightening it up. It doesn't take long before I find myself sprawled out in my beanbag, loud music pumping in my ears and a 6B pencil running freely on the large paper in my hand.

I immediately recognized the subject. Big blonde curls in a bouncing mess. Red lips drawn in a laugh, perfect white teeth showing. Glistening hazel eyes filled only with love. As I shade in her skin, I can almost feel it come alive under my fingers, as if she was right there in front of me. All I want to do is reach out and touch. But the rough feeling of the paper is all that lies under my fingertips. I don't notice that I'm crying until I see a drop landing on the corner of my paper, the water spreading out and making a small bulge. I stare at it for a moment, looking at all the small lines standing out from the middle of the circle. Another bigger drop falls next to it. You can see the pigment from my mascara in the water. I close my eyes and lean my head back. Suddenly everything seems like it's spinning. God, I'm so baked. I'm being so dramatic. I laugh at myself in pity. The tears fall harder than before, like a small hot flood running down the side of my face. I laugh harder, only because I don't know what else to do. My head is positively spinning out of control and the harder the laugh and squeeze my eyes, the more I feel a rising nausea.

That's when I hear very soft knocking on the door and something blurry being said. I don't bother removing my headphones or answer. For some reason I just can't stop laughing. A small pause passes before the door opens up. Behind my tear-filled eyes, I see a blur of blonde hair entering.

"Delphine, is that you?" I shout over the music, before two manicured hands remove my headset, reminding me that I'm the only one hearing music.

"Oh, sweetie…" A small high-pitched voice says. "I'm so sorry…"

I don't bother looking up. I already knows who it is. Filled with disappointment my laughter finally stops and my mask breaks down. Without the music to distract me, I'm painfully aware of my crying and all it seems to do is urge it on and make it grow.

I faintly aware of me clinging to a warm body while Krystal is running her hand over my dreadlocks, trying to offer comfort to my sobbing body. It feels so nice to be buried against her stomach, floating in my beanbag, so I pull her closer to me, gripping her harder, desperate to feel her pressed against me, desperate to feel the comfort of a human body after having locked myself away for so long. Krystal leans down and kisses the top of my head, knowing that this is exactly what I need.

That's the last thing I remember before I close my eyes, dreams taking me away right away.

I'm walking on a flying rainbow amongst flowers and pink clouds. Two warm arms sneak around my waist and as I turn around I bury my face is soft blonde curls. She takes my hand in hers and leads me away towards the stars, where she whispers unknown French words in my ear while the taxis of the galaxies and long intertwining DNA-strings float by us as we stand, now naked together, kissing. I let a heavy breath fall from my lips, absolutely content.

* * *

 **A/N: Not the longest chapter and way darker than I planned, but hey, at least it's a fast update! Mildly inspired by my own life since I'm currently living in an apartment with two other girls and one guy, an apartment called The Dove's Nest (sounds better in Danish), since we have crazy many pigeons living behind the building. I wanted to leave you guys with a small drawing of Delphine, a couple of years old. I imagine Cosima would draw something like that when thinking of Delphine. Artwork is mine though ;) Anyways, please write and tell me what you think! (PS, the link wasn't included so I tried to write it in a fucked up way so you can see it)**

 **www.**

 **deviantart.**

 **com/art/Evelyne-Brochu-Day-16-475288200?q=gallery%3AIzzy95%2F50497758 &qo=56**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: In case you don't know, croquis is a thing where you're drawing nude models. It can be poses that last for anything between 10 seconds to 15 minutes. I think you would call it a longer study after that.**

* * *

I had been so happy when I first entered the school. Everything was so exciting and new. The people around me were so awesome and uniquely their own. And the art. That was probably the best thing about it all. I got to spend all day in class learning about the different tools and the techniques, how to create a good result using all sorts of different methods. How contrast works, the construction of different objects, perspective (which is basically just math), how you can manipulate the eye to focus on different things in your work depending on tons of different things. It was all so geeky and awesome and I really got into it all.

It was around lunch one day at school when we were beginning a new anatomy course. We had been working with different models and body types the last couple of weeks. Now we were entering the phase where we would be during longer studies. Like drawing the same person a whole day. It was nice, but also very demanding, sitting still sketching people all the time. My shoulder was getting slightly sore from all the moving around and my back was getting stiff from the awkward chairs we had when we weren't standing up.

You're always supposed to be careful when drawing, it's easier than you would imagine to screw up your body permanently and something very common amongst students. And I was really having a hard time learning to sit up straight. That's why I always went out during the breaks to try and stretch and get some fresh air (and maybe a smoke).

I was standing by myself smoking, when I heard the door open and shut behind me, probably some student getting ready to go out for lunch. Not bothering to turn, I heard a fumbling around before the repeating sound of the clicks from a failing lighter.

"Merde…" somebody muttered in French behind me. Too curious and amused to mind my own business, I turned around, only to be greeted by a tall woman with curling short blonde hair, trying and failing at lightening her cigarette. Amused by this almost stereotypical clearly French woman I chuckled to myself.

"Need a light?" I asked, quickly finding my own in my pocket and pulling it out for her to take.

"Hm?" she said, her eyes shooting up. Maybe she hadn't seen me before. "Oh, yeah, thank you." She said, laughing slightly awkwardly, before taking the offered lighter and finally lighting up her cigarette. I can't help thinking that she has a beautiful smile.

"I am sorry," she continued, "I think I might need a new lighter." She smiled at me in amusement. Her accent is clear and I would be lying if I said it wasn't slightly sexy.

"No problem." I said, taking back the lighter. "It's nice to get a smoking break every once in a while."

"I was going to quit, but I guess the temptation was too big." She said with a wink and we both laughed.

"I don't think I've seen you here before." I said, a mixture of curiosity and maybe flirting a tiny bit.

"No, I am new to this place." She smiled, nodding. We grew silent for a small second, me waiting for her maybe to continue and her not knowing what to add.

"Do you like it?" I asked, urging her on.

"Yes!" she said, "It's very… artistic." I laughed at that.

"Well it is an art college." Now she was laughing too.

"I like it. Everything is so colorful and so free. It's like the social boundaries have broken a tiny bit down. Like a small creative bubble filled with all sorts of different people and personality all gathered around something that they burn for. It's very inspiring. Very freeing."

"Totally." I added after a pause, momentarily mesmerized by this perfect stranger. We stood there looking at each other in silent for a small while, smiling. I watched as she inhaled and exhaled the smoke.

"I should probably go." she said with a smile. It wasn't until then that I noticed that she was already finished with her smoke. Looking down in my own hand, I saw that I had completely forgotten my own smoke, which had lost its flame long ago. I wasn't sure whether I should be embarrassed or not.

"Sure." I said. "Hadn't seen the time flying." We both chuckled lightly, slightly awkwardly. "I guess I'll see you around." I added, hoping and wishing this to be true.

"Yes, I would like that." The woman smiled, standing still for a second longer than necessary. "Bye." She said in a low voice.

"Bye." I replied, smiling as well. And then the woman was gone.

I turned back to look over the grass plane in front of me. Lightening my smoke, I kept on smiling like an idiot, enjoying myself way too much. I wasn't completely sure what had just happened. Or well, it's not that uncommon for me to act so awkwardly around pretty women. I usually just brush it off after a week or so and move on with my life until the next pretty girl comes along or until I decide to get out and try to find someone I can actually hook up with instead of just stare at.

It's always about the fine line. Don't crush on the chicks you actually know unless you're sure that they might be into you. You can crush on strangers though, people you know you won't see again on a regular basis. That way you never end up broken hearted by yet another straight girl and now without her friendship as well. So I allowed myself to think back on the blonde, knowing that the chances of us ever being in the same room alone again was small on this school. It was a mixed feeling of disappointment and relief. Maybe I would pass her on the halls occasionally. We would say a slightly awkward hello and be over with it. Maybe she would come out to get a smoke every once in a while. We would talk about our different classes and the teachers we knew and be over with it. I mean, I didn't even get her name.

Finishing my own smoke, I decided to get back inside and make my way back to class. Opening the door, I was met by a dozen eyes upon me and dead silence. Looking up at the clock, I realized that it's 5 minutes past the time.

"Sorry I'm late." I said cautiously, taking my seat next to one of my friends, Felix.

"Be careful you're not making a habit out of it Miss Niehaus." Our teacher, professor Leekie, told me with a stern look and a slightly amused smile.

"Yes sir." I feigned embarrassment, knowing perfectly well that this wasn't the last time I'd be late again.

"Today we are starting out with some croquis before we move on to longer studies. I want you to have focus on line-of-action and trying to get the proportions down as accurately and quickly as possible. We're doing fast studies which means that you won't have time to think about details, so don't. This exercise is not about creating something that looks good, this is not about having a finished product, it's about training the eye to see the different lines in the body. We have a new model we'll be working with today. So cut some paper and get ready and I'll find them."

When Leekie left again, I turned to Felix while getting my hobby knife out of my back bag.

"It'll be nice to get to make some quick sketches. I feel slightly rusty after some of the long studies yesterday." I said.

"I hope the new model is a handsome young man." Felix said to no real surprise.

"What, so you can sit and drool the whole time?" I teased, moving to the back of the room to get a board.

"It beats yawning over old Bertram yesterday." He reached for a board himself before we turned to the giant roll of paper the other student were in the midst of laying in down and rolling out. Our school had this deal with a farm that supplied us with giant rolls of corn paper very cheaply. We had to cut it out ourselves, but it was fine enough quality for croquis sketching and stuff.

"I don't know." I replied, bending down to help hold the paper while it was getting stacked to cut more at the same time. "I kinda liked it. It's cool trying to draw wrinkles and stuff. Seeing the body like that. If it's some young guy, I hope he's like really muscular. That would be cool. Or fat maybe. That way we can get to draw some curves." I smiled, thinking of all the possibilities.

"Uhh, someone muscular. That would be the perfect combination of eye candy and something practical to draw." Felix smiled as well, clearly planning out everything in his head too.

"Dude, seriously?" I turned to him with a grin, handing him some paper.

"What? You know I'm only kidding. I would be happy with any model." He flicked his wrist, dismissing my comment easily.

"Sometimes I wonder why you're even here." I said, teasing him further.

"To create art." He replied with a wicked smile of his own.

We settled our paper on our chairs before going over to cut our pencils. If you cut them instead of sharpening them, you can create these long and precise pieces of lead, which is awesome for shading and creating big lines. Finally settling down again, I was searching for my kneaded eraser when I heard the door opening and Leekie small talking with the model. Opening the casing, I removed my eraser and modelled it in my hand to create a ball with a point. I fumbled with my pencils and the long piece of charcoal I'd found when I stiffened, suddenly recognizing the voice that Leekie was talking to.

"Can I get everybody's attention." He said, and I felt my heart pounding slightly faster as I turned around, my brain not really knowing what the hell to do with itself.

"This is Delphine. She'll be our new model." Leekie said, pointing to the person next him. Smiling and waving shyly was the same woman I talked to outside. My brain having caught up again, I smiled. Well this could turn out interesting.

"Hello." She said to the class, before catching my eye. "Hi." She repeated without surprise, still smiling.

* * *

 **A/N: And let it begin! I tried not to make Cosima's reaction in the end be too dramatic. It's a funny thing with nude models. In the beginning you're really awkward about it, but as soon as you've gotten used to it, it's no longer a problem. I've even experienced having friends and people I know be the model for a class I was in. I'm thinking about modeling myself a few times, even though I know my classmates will be there. It's a good way to earn a bit of money and I think it would be a good exercise/experience. Croquis is probably the only place where the more diverse models, the better.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I recommend listening to Allah-Las while reading this chapter to get the vibe I was going for.**

* * *

Before I knew it, Delphine was standing by the small square podium undressing, while Leekie was putting on some music in the background. He had surprised us by having a weak spot for more 60s like psychedelic rock and garage rock. The Growlers, Allah-Las, Lou Reed, Velvet Underground. I can just imagine him in his high waisted cowboy jeans, a white t-shirt and wild hair. Smoking pot and talking about the newest disc with his friends. Going to Andy Warhol exhibitions. For some reason I imagine him having a crazy youth. I just can't figure out how he got that stick up his ass. Maybe too many compliments and too many dreams of grandeur. I think that's what gives him such an off-putting feel from time to time.

I thought about all this while doodling circles and squares in the corner of my paper. Anything not to look up. It's really strange. I'm very used to seeing people naked in front of me and drawing them without feeling awkward, but for some reason, watching the models undress seems extremely intimate, like I would be crossing their comfort zone by watching them get naked, even though I'm going to be staring at their naked bodies in a second anyway.

"Let's start off with some 10 seconds sketches, shall we?" Leekie nodded to Delphine. For the first time since she began undressing I looked up from my paper and watched her.

I swallowed. She was absolutely stunning. Her pale body was lean and slim; her legs were long and elegant. Her body was splattered with a few random birthmarks. I wanted to look more, but she was stretching her arms up in a big circle while crossing her legs.

I quickly took my pencil in my hand and began drawing a quick curved line indicating her line-of-action, before quickly adding a circle for a head, two squares to indicate a chest and hips with pelvis and draw her arms and legs as single lines. Then she was bending her body backwards, spreading her legs more out and I found a new spot on my paper to restart my previous process.

"I want you to look at the line in her body, see how it bends. Capture that. Work on the important lines. Which of her legs carry her weight? Try to emphasize it. See the line going from the top of her head or arm and go all the way down to the tips of her toes. This is about capturing the change in her body, capture the lines. Exaggerate the line as much as you see fit to make her pose more exenterated. This is about capturing her dynamic. The more exaggerated your lines are, the more dynamic your result will get."

While Leekie explained, Delphine moved about in all sorts of dynamic poses, impressing me with her flexibility. I concentrate on the line from her hand and to her foot, adding her other arm and foot after. Everything is fast and I don't bother changing my paper more than once, drawing everything more or less on top of each other. I know these drawings will be useless in a portfolio so I put all my focus into trying to capture her line-of-action as precisely as possible.

"The clearer and stronger your line-of-action is, the more readable and dynamic your character will be. A clear silhouette and a strong line-of-action makes for the strongest character and is always desired. Let's switch to 30 seconds."

The room filled with the sound of shifting paper, as we all got ready. I moved my pencil as fast as possible to take advantage of the extra time and get more down on the paper. I split her torso in two parts as well as with her legs and her arms, splitting at the joints. When I had more time I would go back over to emphasize the curve of her waist, the curve of her upper arm, her feet. I drew in her breasts and placed her bellybutton with a small dot. Looked for overlapping forms that I can put in.

As I was sitting there, I felt like my mind had separated from my body and had escaped into a world of its own. All that existed were the paper with my franticly moving pencil, the music careering me away on pleasant waves and her in front of me. I was completely mesmerized by her body, her movement, her curves, her face. In this space, nothing existed but the two of us, my eyes and her body. I could look her over as shamelessly as I wanted to, all the time concentrating on capturing her beauty as best as possible, to do her some honor. Multiple times, I found myself longing for her to stand still longer so I could capture it all instead of only quick sketches. Her poses were so elegant and beautiful I just wanted time to stop so I could really get to see, really get to study all her perfection. Take my sweet time.

"Let's move on to 2 minutes." Leekie said and Delphine nodded, laying down for a new pose. "Remember, just because you have more time doesn't mean you should slow down. Try to capture the whole body and quickly as possible. If you want to focus on shading, try to put your focus on bigger areas. Choose your light source to quickly determine where the shading should land. Don't bother with the different nuances in the shading, but try to capture the area as a whole."

The more I got to draw her, the more intoxicated I felt. I could sit for hours just watching her and drawing her, studying all her curves and details. She had a small flower tattooed on her hip that I kept staring at from time to time. Or the birthmark on her lower rips, not too far from her belly. The birthmark on her right breast. It was all so intoxicated to be allowed to draw and study what felt like such perfection. It felt like a dream come true. Like I was just a small kid in a candy shop.

I felt so jealous of Leekie who would get close to Delphine every once in a while, tracing her curves without ever touching her, to show us a good angle and what to look for. I wanted so bad to be the one standing so close to her that I could practically feel the warmth coming from her skin.

2 minutes became 5, and 5 minutes became 10 and suddenly she was just there, lying down, arms spread out, one leg raised and bending by the knee, her hair surrounding her head like a halo of golden curls. It felt magical. I let myself be dragged into a trance where my paper and her body was all that were there. And with each and every shadow of charcoal on my paper, I felt closer and closer to recreating her beauty. I became obsessed with every small stroke I made.

It was a strange thing, a strange middle ground. A place where I could stand and become addicted, without her every noticing. A place where I was supposed to stare and admire to see how I could best describe her personality so she wouldn't falter and become one with all the other standard body types that you draw. But at the same time, it was all bullshit. As soon as she would put back on her clothes, she would become Delphine again, the girl that I leant a lighter, the French woman I didn't know. All ties would be cut again. Her body would be out of reach and sight again, without question. Social rules taking over again. I just wanted to stay in this bubble, where she was lying so beautifully in front of me.

I was quickly pulled back to reality by hands clapping all around me. It was then I registered that Leekie had said thank you to Delphine, who was getting back up with a smile and had begun reaching for her clothes once more.

"Well, not exactly what I hoped for, but I do need to work on my female anatomy." Felix said. The magic was gone again as quickly as it had come.

I was split between joining Felix in his conversation and watching Delphine. I could feel my heart beat faster, painfully aware that our time together was slowly coming to an end. A part of me didn't want to leave, didn't want her to leave. But now fully clothes again, Leekie had come to her, engaging her in conversation.

"Was that my cue to make some sort of joke about how gay you are?" I chose to answer Felix with a smirk, beginning to pack my things again. Everything else would look strange or suspicious. Delphine was just a model after all. I rarely talked to any models, especially just after that had been stripping. It was strange, going from having objectified a person so completely to personalizing them again right after. It was like a part of that objectification stuck, especially if you didn't know the person beforehand. Like you saw them, and all you could think about was how they looked naked and silence, moving around for you to draw. That was your starting point, your perspective, your first impression.

"Oh please honey, don't think I didn't notice you eyeing blondie." Felix said with his own wicked smile. Picking up our bags, we slowly made our way back out again.

"Nah, I was just in a really awesome flow." I tried to excuse, knowing full and well that I was totally and shamelessly checking her out.

"If you say so." Felix raised his eyebrow but didn't press on. "Have you heard Sarah's throwing a party next Friday?"

Sarah was Felix's sister. They had come together from England, Sarah working on a photography line at the same college. She loved taking pictures of the underground scene. Drunken and spinning pictures with low-key and saturated colors. She was really a party animal. Sometimes I worried how she would ever survive getting through an education when she was always skipping classes and never working on her homework. I think the school was in love with her style and how artistic and fluid her pictures was. I was pretty sure that was the only thing saving her.

"Yeah, planning on coming around at 9 pm or something."

And like that the conversation just continued like nothing had ever happened, Delphine tucked away in my mind like a chapter that was over before it had ever begun.

* * *

 **A/N: This is basically me when drawing someone who's really beautiful. I know the ending sort of looks like an ending, but we're still only in the beginning ;) To see what croquis looks like, you can follow the messed up link to my portfolio where I have a page with life drawing:**

 **isabellethulstrup.**

 **wordpress.**

 **com/life-drawing/**


	5. Chapter 5

The next day when I came to school, it was a new guy standing on the podium. Young, muscular and flexible. Much to Felix's delight. He was crawling all over the place, making for some awesome sketches and lines. Despite my disappointment of the lack of Delphine, it was easy to get back into a good flow and create some dynamic lines. His muscles and harsh structure was perfect for taking advantage off in croquis when everything moves so quickly. It's a funny thing. If I have to make quick sketches, I prefer drawing a guy because of his more harsh lines and square figure, but if we're doing a long study I totally prefer drawing a woman because I want to spend a long time with her softer curves and smaller details. Maybe it has something to do with whom you're attracted to, because I know Felix prefers it the other way around. It's not really in a sexual way, just in an esthetic way, the appreciation of what's beautiful.

In every sense, it seemed like life had just moved on again, without Delphine in it. I joked around with Felix in class. I played Runewars with Scott. Heard all the gossip from Krystal and was reprimanded a few time by Alison for leaving too many dirty dishes in the sink.

It wasn't until 2 days later that I saw her again. Back in class, back to being our model. Just as formal as before. Leekie introduced her; we made some quick sketches to some relaxing rock, before we got out all the easels and broads and chose a place to stand. Without any more fuss, she got into a more comfortable pose that she had to be in for the rest of the day. And that was that.

A part of me felt strange. Drawing so many people nude all the time sort of changes the way you look at nakedness and look at people. Standing there, right in front of me in all her glory, Delphine might as well have been an apple. A simple object for me to draw, just like anything else. I didn't really know what to make of it. A part of me liked it, liked the separation. It was a sort of comforting shield. But at the same time, it felt so wrong. She was beautiful, yes, but she was also a person. A living, breathing human with feelings and thoughts and a name. Delphine. Such a beautiful name. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about her, hadn't dreamt about her or some sort of fantasy-version of her. I just didn't know how to deal with it. So I looked at her, leaning against a draped box, legs curled under her, head resting gently on her bend arm, looking away into the distant, and I tried my hardest to concentrate on my drawing.

It was a mild success. It was easy to get caught up in the drawing, the anatomy, her body. But every once in a while, I would look at her face, her curls over her shoulder, her pink lips and her distant eyes and wonder what was running through that head of hers. It wasn't long before we had our first break. Not really knowing what to do with myself anymore, I chose to leave the classroom while Leekie went over to Delphine to draw around her so she could get up and stretch and still find the same spot afterwards.

My head was spinning slightly as I lit up my smoke when I get out. I prefer smoking weed really, but I didn't like jeopardizing school too much, so I always went for a regular cigarette during the breaks. Right then I could have used a joint though. This was way too much excitement for just a regular model. I was half-way through my smoke, when I saw someone walk up to stand next to me.

"Do you have a smoke? I forgot mine inside." Delphine's voice was soft and when I turned to look her in the eyes, she was smiling kindly, her eyes always twinkling. I couldn't help but smile back with a small blush, almost relieved that she had approached me and was willing to talk to me even after I'd drawn and seen her naked.

"Sure, no problem." I said, finding a smoke. She carefully placed it in her mouth and leaned forward while I lit it up for her with my lighter.

"Thank you." She inhaled sharply before blowing out again; smoke elegantly leaving her mouth before disappearing with the wind. "It's nice to get some fresh air. It can get tiring to sit still for so long."

I smiled. I'd often wondered what it must be like to be on the other side of the paper, but it was rare that I actually got to talk to one of the models.

"Obvs." I chuckled nervously, and were relieved when she smiled back. "Do you ever get scared that you might, like, fall asleep or something? I seriously doubt anyone would blame you if you drifted off." She turns, leaning her back against the railing we're standing by so she can look me in the eyes more properly. There was something strange about her smile, so calm and confident, almost flirtatious. Like she was trying to seize me up, trying to figure me out. I had no clue what to make of it and it was seriously messing up my mind.

"It's very calming actually, like meditation. I can get to wander off to wherever I want inside my head. I feel almost spiritual, like a higher being." Her growing smile let me know she was trying to be sarcastic. "No, it gets very boring." She wrinkled her nose. "But I try really hard to stay awake. Could you imagine how embarrassing it would be if I began snoring all of the sudden." She laughed, a bit of color sneaking its way onto her checks. I break out laughing, finding it way funnier than it actually was.

"God, I could just imagine Leekie's face! Everybody suddenly becoming awkward and silent, nobody knowing whether they should try to poke you to wake you up or just like keep drawing, pretending nothing happened." I laughed, seeing it clearly in my mind, a mortified class of mostly introverted, nerdy artists with no social knowledge, trying to figure out what the hell to do with a sleeping model.

"Oh God, don't say that." Delphine said, laughing along. When the laughter died, it was clear to see her blush. It's a funny thing, she's not at all scared to stand completely naked in front of strangers, but the thought of falling asleep is the one embarrassing her.

A kind of quiet fell over us for a second as we puffed at our cigarettes in peace.

"You know," she began, almost shyly, after a small pause. "I wanted to say 'hi' the other day, and thank you for the light, but you were gone before I got the chance." It's neither a statement nor a question but something in between. She looks curious above all.

"Yeah. I thought about staying, but you were talking to Leekie and I didn't want to interrupt you. I also didn't know if you'd think it was awkward or weird or something." I scratched the back of my neck in slight embarrassment, searching hard for the right words.

"Why? Because I am your model?" Delphine asked with curiosity, not quite understand. I nod, looking to the ground for a second. She turned around, looking over the railing for a second. "You Americans are funny. It doesn't bother me. I am not ashamed of my body and being in there is probably one of the safest and most respectful places to be." She turned back again to face me.

"You got like a killer body, totally nothing to worry about." I said it before I could think, regretting how it sounded immediately. To my relieve she giggled sweetly and blushed. I felt my smile stretching into a grin. "But yeah, none of us bites. As long as we get somebody to stand on the podium, we don't really care how good or bad you look according to societies impossible standards." I paused for a second, before deciding against my more logical side of the brain and add, "But you were doing an amazing job. Very dynamic poses, always changing things up. You're pretty rad."

"Thank you." She answered sweetly, making my heart melt just a tiny bit.

"Is it hard, standing still in all those crazy poses for so long?" I asked. It was both a way for me to move on from the awkward compliments and actually ask about something I had been wondering about. She squinted her eyes, taking a second to think about it.

"Well, when it's only 10 seconds your imagination is more or less the limit. But when you have to sit still for 2 or 5 minutes you need some sort of ground in your pose. I always try to push my limit, but it can be hard. I would be lying if I said I've never found myself sweating after a session." She smiled sheepishly.

"I could imagine that. It doesn't really show that much, if you're sweating. But it's obvious to see when it's a hard pose. Like the limbs almost begin shaking. You hide it very well though, I've seen much worse." And it's true, I have.

"Thank you. I do yoga, I think it may help a bit." She smiled. "But I would love to see your drawings. It's always fascinating to see how other people draw you, how it looks on the other side of the paper. I'm sure they must be good. You always have a very concentrated look on your face when you draw." She took another drag of her smoke, looking me square in the eyes as I blushed.

"Yeah, sure. No problem." I smiled, tilting my head slightly to the side and playing with my hands nervously. I've been told from a very young age that I'm good at drawing and never had any problems showing people my work or drawing in front of them. But for some reason, the thought of showing them to her made me more nervous than ever. "But I don't want to promise you anything, Delphine."

She went silent for a moment, looking at me strangely.

"I don't think I ever got your name." she told me and it isn't until then that I realize that I never even said her name aloud before this moment. I blushed again.

"Cosima Niehaus." I said with a smile, stretching out my hand.

"Enchantée." I felt a small rush of butterflies hearing her speak French.

"Enchantée." I replied, completely butchering the language. She giggled, taking my hand in hers and shaking it softly. I suddenly realized how fucked I would be during class the rest of the day.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm sorry about how late this chapter is, I know. The interest just seemed small and for a few weeks, I had plenty going on in my own love life, too much to really care or focus on a fictive relationship and this story. Which also means that parts of this chapter has suddenly become more personal than I'd really like it to be. But I'm relying on my anonymity and generalism for it to be okay. Only two people knows what I'm talking about, and the second person isn't reading this, so... Don't even know why I'm sharing this much info… This chapter will be more Cophine-centric, very slightly M-rated. Thanks for the review, made me want to get back in the game, which I'm trying to do more looking forward! Enjoy, and tell me what you think :)**

* * *

When we came back in from the break, I showed Delphine some of my sketches. She seemed impressed with my drawings. She even let me geek out about it for a while. I talked about the construction and perspective, the struggle with turning everything in the right angle and making sure the whole image would work in thumbnails before moving to a bigger scale. I had a tendency of getting caught in the details instead of keeping my focus on the bigger image at hand. She laughed, smiled, and nodded enthusiastically along while I told her about the struggles of the finding a balance between not creating too many details and still create details enough. I told her about noise versus calm. About straight versus curves and how I tried to be mindful of it, even in my life drawings. About how the light was stupid in the room and I had to create my own light point, and was now struggling with some overlaps. Her gaze never faltered, her interest never disappearing, even if I wasn't sure if she knew what I was talking about.

Her gaze is still one of the things I remember most about her. I remember hours spend together in bed, her eyes on mine, our naked limbs tangled together. We would just lie there, getting lost in each other's eyes. My hand would carefully trace over her face, memorizing every little curve, dotting out all her birthmarks with my finger. Trace her soft lips, as she would open her mouth to encourage me. Her dark beautiful eyes never left mine, even as she raised her eyebrows when I let my fingers trace over them, her hand stroking my waist. Her skin was so soft under my touch.

"Your eyes are so beautiful." She told me. I kissed her. Leaned slowly forward until our noses were touching, slightly hesitant before I leaned fully forward and captured her lips between mine. I can still feel her lips pressed against mine, the softness of it. The wetness of her open mouth moving against mine, our tongues battling for dominance. I moved in over her, kissed her harder, my hands roaming her body, never really touching her anywhere important. Even if wanted to, it was very important for me that even if she had once given me permission to touch her, it didn't mean that I had automatic permission to touch her again another time. I didn't want her to feel obligated or exposed as she lay naked under me. It wasn't until her hand covered mine and moved it to her chest that I squeezed her breast in my palm, kissing her harder and with more purpose.

It all seems unbearably romantic now. My head on her naked chest, feeling her heartbeat while her hand stroked my head, her fingers caressing my scalp between my dreads. It's strange thinking back to when we first met and began to talk. Back when everything was still so new and fleeting, so innocent and romantic. I still remember the fluttering of my heart, the permanent smirk refusing to leave my lips. I must've looked like a fool walking on the streets home from school, my shoulders raised, my hands clutching the sketches in my arms, a shit-eating smirk firmly plastered on my lips, a permanent semi-blush on my cheeks. Everything just seemed so perfect, so exiting. I still remember thinking that even if she didn't like me like I did her, my thoughts of her smile would be enough to satisfy me.

I asked her if she wanted to come to Sarah's party after school that day I showed her my drawings. Told her it would be a great way to meet more people from the environment and the school, get to know more people.

"Are you sure it wouldn't be a problem? I don't really know anybody." She said, hesitantly.

"That's the whole point! This way you can actually get to know everybody so you won't be a stranger next time." She smiled that sweet mysterious smile of hers that I had come to be addicted to. Her shoulder raised a bit as she pretended to think extra hard, biting her bottom lip.

"Okay." She told me in that intoxicating French accent of hers. If my smile wasn't beaming as brightly as the sun, I don't know what it was doing.

"Really?!" I asked, unable to hide my enthusiasm.

"Yes, really." She said, giggling at my respond.

* * *

"How will I ever move on?" I ask Krystal. When I woke up after my crash in the afternoon, it was dark and I was still in Krystal's arms. I can feel the wetness from my tears in the fabric of her shirt, sliding against my cheek. I don't care right now. I hold her closer, not wanting to lose this human contact. She continues to stroke my head.

My head feels foggy, spinning slightly, but my gaze is clear. I keep my eyes planted firmly on my desk. Concentrate on the reddish colors, the black of my chair. There is a skateboard leaning against my closet on the other side of my desk. I sometimes use it for transportation or to make stunts with my friend William in the school breaks. He's way better than me, but I like to joke around on my skateboard next to him anyway, or just watch him, cheer him on. Felix usually just rolls his eyes when he sees us together while he's smoking outside. He thinks I'm too much of a tomboy from time to time. I do enjoy guy humor I must admit. Watch way too much Adult Swim. I haven't been on my skateboard in a while though. I have been preoccupied.

My head flashes back to Delphine and me, naked limps tangled together in her bed. Her dark eyes on mine as I stroke her face, tracing her curves and birthmarks. For some reason that's always the image I come back to. Her eyes on mine, lying naked and tangled together.

"Oh, sweetie." Krystal says. "Of course you'll move on, in your own time." My eyes stares firmly on my desk, never moving. My head feels so filled and so empty at the same time. I can't decide if it's a horrible feeling or if it's okay. I can't decide anything right now. I feel empty. I just keep staring at my desk. "Tell you what, why don't you change into your pajamas and get some sleep, then I'll take care of you tomorrow. We can have a girls-only day! I can do your nails, we can make some hot chocolate and watch the newest chick flick and go out and have fun in the evening! Forget everything about Delphine for a night. Wouldn't that be nice?"

I hadn't noticed how tired and drained I am until she mentions sleep. Sleep would be nice. I nod my head, still rested firmly on her tear soaked chest.

"Just relax. Let us take care of you for a small while. You can't keep things up like this. We all just want you to be happy. Trust me, I know what boy drama looks like and feels like. Well, girl drama in your case, but still." She shrugs carelessly and I let out a small chuckle, the smallest of smiles appearing on my lips for a brief second.

"That's the spirit!" she says. "Now, while I would love to stay like this, my body is getting seriously stiff." She adds dryly as she pads my back, indicating me to move. Reluctantly I move over, chuckling slightly as Krystal makes a show of stretching her body out as she gets up.

"I'm sorry." I say, an honest and grateful smile on my lips, as I look her straight in the eyes. "Thank you, Krystal. Seriously. I wouldn't know what to do without you guys." Krystal smiles.

"Of course, sweetie. Just say the word." She kisses the top of my head a last time before moving to the door. "Just concentrate on getting your beauty sleep for now." She winks before closing the door after her, leaving me alone again.

That night I dreamt that I was a secret detective helping out in Rome where a tsunami had left an island deserted and the roads blocked. I dreamed of taking the train there, where I met William and Felix who were on their way to a hotel with the school. I dreamt of aliens and spaceships flying in the sky, casting their light over me in the dead of night. Felix was there too as they flew past us in the mist surrounding the starry night sky. I dreamt I met an old school teacher at a Pride parade I almost missed because I had forgotten to change my clothes and the city was completely crooked and impossible to get through fast, like an impossible labyrinth that constantly went uphill. I smile, enjoying the normal weirdness of my dreams.

* * *

 **A/N: Lol, totally looked through my own dream diary to get the dreams for this! If it's too strange, let me know!**


End file.
